If Tomorrow Never Comes
by Robinrene13
Summary: Buffy ponders over Spike's actions over the past few months when she should be concentrating on her sister.


Takes place in the Magic Box after Glory has taken Dawn in The Gift; season 5.

All characters are not mine but Mutant Enemy and Joss Whedon, et al.

If Tomorrow Never Comes

Buffy was just sitting there, contemplating the last few months. She knew she should be concentrating on Glory since she now had Dawn, but her thoughts were constantly being interrupted by Spike. Spike. The bane of her existence. The stupid vampire who somehow fell in love with his mortal enemy. Her. Why? How? She should've seen it coming. But Glory was on her mind. And her mother. Now Spike is on her mind.

Looking back, Buffy saw the changes, in retrospect of course, but she finally saw them. The nightly night watches in front of her house. The stumbling over words around her and the lame attempts at insulting her. "You have stupid hair"? Really? And trying to cover up his hours of hanging around by saying he was only "out for a walk… bitch". He tried helping the victims in the Bronze after the whole Troll incident. Here's a weird one. He actually tried to comfort her on her back porch the night her mom told her about the shadow in her brain. And that night, the night he told her about how he killed the two slayers, was that an attempt at kissing her? Her first instinct at the time was "yes", it was a kissing attempt. But Spike played it off well, grabbing her and telling her that "she feels it", that death wish. But looking back, he wasn't covering. He was telling her she can feel something between them.

Things between Buffy and Spike changed when she came back from her Spirit Quest and found out about that annoying, poorly imitated, Buffybot. To discover Spike's loyalty in helping her and Dawn, meant a lot. It touched her. She didn't plan on doing it, but it felt right. She kissed him. And when she did, she only was going to do a quick peck, but she lingered. She lingered long enough for Spike to figure out she wasn't the Bot. But during that moment of lingering, she felt something. She couldn't identify it then, but she was thinking about it again, so the tingle in the pit of her stomach came back.

At the sound of Spike's voice in the Magic Box, the tingle sent shock waves throughout her body, jump starting her heart.

"Blood is life, lack-brain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm. Makes you hard…" Buffy's stomach tensed at that remark. "Makes you other than dead." That's when she snapped out of her Spike reverie.

After she flung her orders around, she invited Spike along to get more weapons from her house. Once he was left on the porch and he reminded her of the barrier, she realized how dumb she was to put it up in the first place. It was necessary for Angel, er Angelus, at the time, but never Spike. He never could hurt her or her family. Deep down inside she always knew that. "Come in Spike" she calmly said with that famous Mona Lisa smile of hers.

When she told him about how they weren't all going to make it and he responded with his thought of going out fighting, she tensed. No, he can't. He has to stay to protect Dawn. And so he promised to protect her until the end of the world. Again, Buffy was touched. She had another urge to kiss him, just then, but she tamped it down so she could go upstairs to change.

"I know you'll never love me" Spike shouted to her. She turned around to look at him. Her stomach twisted. "I know that I'm a monster, but you treat me like a man, and that's..." Buffy suddenly felt her stomach lighten. He is a man. To her. He was to her mother. He is to Dawn. He's like a big brother to her little sister. And this made her feel warm. "…get your stuff, I'll be here." And Buffy slowly descended the steps until she stood on the last one, making her the same height as Spike. He was still smiling at her. His eyes glazed over, lost in his own thoughts about what he just tried to tell her. So she leaned forward and kissed him. He snapped from his thoughts back into reality and pulled away. Buffy merely gazed into his dark-turquoise eyes, her own hooded in some secret he couldn't decipher. He just stared back in confusion until he felt her warm fingers twining with his. Before he could look down at their hands, however, Buffy leaned back in to kiss him again. This time he reciprocated. Buffy released his fingers and raised both her arms around his neck. They both intensified the kiss as Spike's arms fastened around her waist.

Finally, a sniffle from Buffy alerted Spike that they should stop kissing. Pulling apart, he gazed at Buffy's reddened eyes. He was about to ask her what was wrong, but hesitated as he was pretty sure what she was crying about. Then she started to speak.

"I don't know what this means. But that's not important. What's important is saving Dawn… and the world. And that's what makes this moment of confusion suck, because we don't have time to ponder it. I'm going to change, and we're going to save her. Then we can talk about this weird little family."

"Family?" Spike asked.

"Well, yeah. You're like a big brother to Dawn, and mom always liked you. She even said you needed a mom and she was glad to fill those shoes. Of course, then I was disgusted enough to not think about it. But today, I see it. And tomorrow we'll talk."

Spike watched her run up the stairs and he thought to himself, his crumb that he asked for turned into a giant sixteen layered - two stone cake.

Upstairs, Buffy was exited for what their conversation was going to be like for the two of them plus Dawn. But deep down inside, she feared tomorrow may never happen.


End file.
